Every dog has its day

Karma.

Where actions taken now will dictate future events with a cause and effect relationship. Good deeds performed will create good deeds received as bad deeds performed will see the performer receive bad consequences.

Nah.

I have always wondered if me now having a string of autoimmune problems in my 20s is some sort of bad karma coming to get me. While I don’t think I’m a bad person it’s hard to not think back about stupid things I’ve said or done and attribute my colitis to some bad voodoo. That is until I wake up and realise there’s thousands of kids in this country with IBD that haven’t had the chance to build up any bad karma and the whole idea is a load of shit.

Good things happen to people and bad things happen to people, that’s life. Not everything has to be justified by karma, sometimes you just face shit situations that you were always going to face and whether you were good bad or indifferent wouldn’t change it at all. I’m learning to not dwell on how I’ve acted in the past and how I’d go back and change it because I can’t, and I don’t have colitis because of it. I have colitis because my body decided to get colitis for whatever reason, and that’s part of the bad experiences I’m going to have in my lifetime.

One thing I’ve mentioned before is that now I’ve experienced the bad times of my disease I really appreciate good parts of my life a whole lot more. I know that just as bad things have happened, good will too, and I cherish those moments so much more than I ever could have before IBD. I also know that I’m going to experience a hell of a lot more bad moments in my life, and my colitis is definitely going to give me grief in the future but I’m better prepared for that as well. I don’t dwell on things as much, good or bad, because they’re both just part of the human experience. Both good and bad moments will come and go throughout your lifetime and generally they have no effect on each other – shit just happens because that’s life and shit happens in life!

I’ve had a lot of time to think while training for the Nepal trek, many hours spent alone in the bush with nothing but my thoughts has made me start taking a more active approach in looking out for myself and really doing what I want in life. I’ve been prone to trying to do things that will appease other people in my life or live up to some sort of expectation placed on me, when really no one gives a shit. The day I realised society couldn’t care less about me as an individual was the most freeing day of my life. I’ve had the reset button hit where I now just do whatever I feel like in the moment. We’ve got a limited amount of time on this Earth so why spend it trying to impress others doing things you don’t enjoy? The only things I truly know about my existence is that I’m real in this moment and my actions effect myself. That makes me the most important person, to me only. I’ve made a commitment to look after myself, I only get one chance at this and I may as well make the most of it.